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Snake In A Small Wardrobe (The Continuing Story Of The Crocodile In The Mattress)

Author : Michael Hughes

Submitted : 2010-01-06 07:26:34    Word Count : 849    Popularity:   97

Tags:   small wardrobes, farmhouse table, hatstand

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Remember when I tested the cumfy mattress in our factory, um I do. Who would have thought I would have found a crocodile in the mattress ?

The chase went on forever, I thought I had lost him but he kept reappearing, it had something to do with the cumfy mattress but I never could work out exactly what.

It was only yesterday when I returned to the factory, after a short rest . The machines were at it full blast, there was commotion as the workers were struggling to make their bonuses, that were hard to make. The boss( who happened to look a little bit like me) could count in his head, money, that the workers were making him, by simply counting the number of seconds each job took. Once a week the boss would have a music lesson with a retired sort of legend of the rock world, the lesson was not mastering modes or riffs, but to check his timing on an old fashioned metronome. What the boss did not want, was his timing to be off, so his mental arithmetic was out. The workers did not know of his secret timing but they suspected, they had seen him in the shadows making deals with the timber merchants, they had seen the speed of his money counting, he was twice as fast as a bank teller, rumour had it that he could weigh notes in his hand as accurately as a bank scale.

Anyway on my return I went straight to the assembly area,the workers were hard at it, trying to reach the targets. They were lucky they did not need to go to the gym after work, they were super fit, olympic standard. The pin guns were blasting away and the small wardrobes were coming off the assembly line. Little did Henry Ford know, that his approach to keeping the workers, at it would be cut up, and be recycled in such a way. Today it was small wardrobes tomorrow may be the finest cooking French style) or even fly fishing. The manufacturing process was starting, the shelves fixed by secret pocket holes, previously cut by the machinists. Eventually after wax staining the doors were hung and the finished wardrobe put into the dispatch area.

I sat down on an old sumptuous chair. A large red one that I sat on after a fat lunch, to have a few quiet moments and hide away from the grinding and pulsating of the factory, not wanting to be disturbed, I heard a noise coming from the last small wardrobe. I came to quickly and went over to investigate, I creaked open the door, there seemed nothing unusual, I mean the inside of a wardrobe looks pretty much like the inside of a wardrobe.You know a base shelf and above it a hanging rai.............l! WHAT there was a snake curled up on the hanging rail, it wasn t a little snake that one can pick up by the tail, tell off and throw in the bushes, this was a MONSTER PYTHON.

It hissed and spat in my face. Was it a male or female? who cared... it was hungry and uncurling fast. I jumped on to the farmhouse table and picked up a hat stand, if I was going down,then so was the snake. It came for me, thinking I was easy prey. I apologise to all nature lovers but I whacked it on its head. A large lump appeared , but so did its temper. It lunged at my leg, mouth wide open, I managed to force the hat stand in the startlingly wide mouth. Got you I yelled, If the python could talk it would have said something like OH yeah it looked, and grinned and fast as lightning whipped it s tail round and wrapped itself round my body, instantly squeezing, as I breathed out it tightened its grip. I felt hot breath and a flicking tongue on my face, I was going under and fast ,the snake coiling round started to delve under my jacket listening for a disappearing heartbeat, it reappeared with my wallet in it s mouth, Thats it,I ve had enough From nowhere my strength returned , I bit the snake on the neck, the shock made it loose it s grip. I leapt out of the coils, grabbing the hat stand I whacked it hard on the midriff, whilst still gripping its neck with my teeth. The wallop with the hatstand had knocked the wind out of it , a further combination of a left to the belly, and a solid right uppercut was enough, it was over.

I quickly counted my money, it was still there,I almost cried with joy that it was all there. I went back to a boring life, but I had, for the rest of my life, a permanent smirk, and a pair of very colourful shoes.

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Written by Michael Hughes furniture maker and owner of The Pine Factory in Devoran Cornwall The factory specialises in wardrobe production The furniture is marketed through

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