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If You Haven't Been Dumped, You Haven't Lived! Learn Proven Techniques On How To Build Your Self-Confidence Back Now

Author : Tony Richards

Submitted : 2010-08-30 09:46:05    Word Count : 1160    Popularity:   94

Tags:   self help, self-confidence, self esteem, Tony Richards, break up, relationship advice, relationship break up, been dumped, in love, mental health, mental help, guidance

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There is no greater depth of emotion than that involved when giving unconditional, all-embracing, love. That depth of emotion can make losing love a very painful and bitter experience.

Being dumped is an experience that has been shared at all levels of society. The bitterness of rejection has been tasted by Royalty, commoners, political leaders, and those enjoying celebrity status. It is not bound by age, financial position or physical attractiveness. That does not, of course, make a broken heart easier to deal with.

It just means rejection, and any resulting questions by a person of their self-worth, are experiences that very few people have not had to deal with.

The intent here will be to provide enough self-confidence to deliver an unshakeable view of each person’s self-worth, overcome rejection, and encourage the heartbroken to try for love again. This process will assist people to examine, and understand, their own role in the successes, or difficulties, from past, or within, current relationships.

Most people would acknowledge that they don’t like relationship breakdowns. Self-confidence provides clarity on what each person is individually seeking from their relationship, and why those conditions are important to them.

It shows the pathway for gaining relationship contentment, and importantly, self-confidence makes that pathway easy to see and walk, for a life of happiness and fulfilment. Self-confidence will also allow people to recognise previous destructive patterns that are worth avoiding, when choosing prospective partners.

It will reveal why some people, when given the opportunity, may choose the same sort of hurtful relationships as those from their past. The likelihood for future happiness is improved by avoiding past mistakes. That brings us to how self-confidence is connected to breaking the cycle of being dumped.

Self-confidence is the mental attitude of having trust in, respect for, and reliance on, your own judgement and/or abilities. It embodies the confidence you have in yourself, and it can develop through two different streams. The first stream is via achievements and the many other external providers. Those providers, associated with relationship successes, could in part include an ability to attract others, or encouragement from friends to keep trying. It could also include financial security that assists in the longevity of some relationships.

Naturally, if any external providers of self-confidence which boost your self-image are in place, you’re already doing better than many others. However, even if supporting providers of external self-confidence are available, that doesn’t necessarily mean you’re going to have successful relationships. They may even contribute to your confusion if you get dumped for the umpteenth time.

It is also probable that some people, under pressure because of being dumped too often, mistakenly believe that successful relationships are unattainable. Self-confidence will provide opportunities to discover many areas within your life that will support your relationships. That discovery will be completed by exposure to the second stream of self-confidence.

That stream is the internal development process, which assists you to learn more about yourself. The difference between the two streams of self-confidence is that one is delivered by achievements, balanced with all the other external providers, against any perceived failures.

The other stream delivers a mental attitude of belief in your self-worth and abilities that remains unshakeable, irrespective of any self-imposed limits for relationship success. Both streams are important; however to ensure that being dumped is a thing of the past, we need them to work in unison.

The reason for that lies in the strength of our natural abilities to overcome the enemies of self-confidence. All of our achievements, successes in attracting others, and support from friends who love us without question, can build some defences against self-doubt, uncertainty and fear.

On the other hand, those supporting comments, successes and achievements often need to be repeated constantly to maintain that defence. Consider how those enemies attempt to control us, and you can see the difficulties we can have in maintaining a defence against their destruction of our self-confidence. Self-doubt is usually imposed by the comments of others.
As an example, you’re getting ready to go to a function where you know there will be eligible, prospective partners attending. You take some time and effort to look good, and just as you’re preparing to leave someone close to you comments, “You’re going to wear that outfit, are you?”

It may just be a throwaway line reflecting a caring attitude, because they want you to present yourself looking your very best. On the other hand, if one or more friends ask the same question over the next few minutes, self-doubt may begin to creep in.

However, let’s assume there have not been any comments from anyone, and the time for your big entrance is approaching. This is where uncertainty can begin its work.

Uncertainty, closely related to self-doubt, is often a figment of our own thoughts and does not require any comments from others. The function will be attended by rivals and strangers, and without knowing what their expectations might be, uncertainties about how well you might interact could develop.
Reinforcement from friends, along with positive reminders from our own thoughts of any ability to attract others, can in the short term, build some barriers against that uncertainty and ensuing fear.

Nevertheless, even if we have constantly achieved, and had that reinforced by our own thoughts, and by positive comments from friends, there can be further difficulties.

The self-confidence enemies, uncertainty, self-doubt and fear may not be working alone to make any meetings with new prospects a matter of anxiety. The enemies of self-confidence represented by conflict of conscience, guilt and arrogance may be working, and they are not affected by our achievements, or the comments of others.

As examples, those three enemies can work by creating conflict of conscience over the role our actions may have had in contributing to past break-ups. Further, they can create guilt if we unfairly blame ourselves for previous unsuccessful relationships.

Finally, they can encourage us to arrogantly believe that our current, or next relationship, will be successful without changing conditions or circumstances that led to previous heartbreak. It is only the internal development processes that can effectively overcome all self-confidence enemies as one. They develop, and deliver, self-confidence at the same time.

Therefore to get the balance between the streams of self-confidence correct – and we will – it is important to explain how the internal development process works…

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Tony is a Personal Development Consultant from Australia, who travels the world conducting private consultations, seminars, speaking engagements, and successful business training on managing self-confidence. He is particularly sought after by those seeking to improve relationships in their personal and professional lives.

Tony has produced an eight book series on Self-Confidence. Each book individually deals with specific stages of life. However, the real benefit of the series is that apart from explaining how Self-Confidence works, they all include Tony’s proven processes for how to gain, and maintain, Self-Confidence forever.

Tony Richards-Author of “Self-Confidence for…“ Series
Expert Personal Development Consultant, Speaker & Business Trainer
Self-Confidence for Anyone Whos Ever Been Dumped.

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